Lisa Frideborg of Angelorum recently posted a special spread for this month’s full moon. Luckily the kidlets fell asleep at a reasonable hour so I had a chance to draw my cards in preparation for the full moon tonight. This particular spread is all about personal accountability, opening up to your guides and getting your sh*t together so you can move forward and evolve. As a deck dedicated to the dark creatures of the night with precisely zero fluff, I thought this would be the perfect time to crack out my brand new Tarot of Vampyres by Ian Daniels, with the added lunar energy boost of my new little selenite stick.
Position one starts at the bottom left and the spread works its way up, left to right.
1. Where do I need to hold myself accountable now?
Five of Knives (Five of Swords) – This card has strong elements of accountability, so there is definitely a powerful message here that I need to face whatever demons I feel are holding me back. They originate with me and as such only I have the power to defeat them. Inner demons don’t always look how we would expect a demon to look, they may not be dark or torturing, they may not give us nightmares or feelings of fear, they can be as benign looking as apathy and sarcasm, but they can affect us just as negatively. I have fallen into a number of habitual thinking patterns that do not serve my growth, so it is time to own up to those things I have clung to, acknowledge the impact they have had and start creating a new reality – one that isn’t overshadowed by my tendency to wear cynicism as armour against feeling vulnerable to the darkness of the unknown.
2. What is coming up for release?
Prince of Skulls (Knight of Pentacles) – I had a somewhat unstable childhood, we moved around a lot so I was often the ‘new kid’, money was always tight and I never felt like I was at home anywhere, like I could just settle down to belonging. As a result, it has been very important to me as an adult to be able to create a sense of stability and feel I can lay down roots. I am now married to a wonderful man, with two fabulous kids and while money is still tight, we live in a beautiful little village surrounded by family that – turns of the wheel of fortune notwithstanding – I have every intention of growing old and dying in. The Knight of Skulls is all about this quest for material establishment and while I strongly relate to that drive to feel a sense of solidity and stability, other things have fallen by the wayside. Things are as certain now as they are ever going to get, there is nothing else I can do to further reinforce these material foundations of home and family, so it is time to shift my focus to another kind of growth and foundation building, those in the unseen realms of the spiritual worlds and personal magickal exploration.
3. What else I must do to expand in the direction of my most magnificent destiny?
Seven of Skulls (Seven of Pentacles) – While my journey so far is not much to look at from the outside, a massive internal shift in my openness to spirituality and all things ‘woo’ has occurred and is impacting the way I view and understand the world around me. In Lisa’s post on this spread she mentions how this full moon demonstrates an interaction between Jupiter and Saturn, Jupiter is all about expansion, which we see reflected in this question, and the card that pops up here has strong Saturn energy, which is concerned with lessons and limitations. With this in mind, I see a layered message in this card with the mingling concepts of growth and restrictions.
Firstly, I must acknowledge how far I have already come, the mental shifts I have set in motion are no small feats. Secondly, I need to take a look at what is working for me and what is not. There are so many fun and funky things to try out in the world of the occult but not all of it is going to work for me, even if it is something I would really like to incorporate. I need to be honest about that and not try and forcefully impose anything. Lastly, I see the message of encouragement that while no, not everything is going to work out; yes, many experiments and adjustments will need to be made along the way; and no, it isn’t always going to be easy, I have all the potential within to grow something abundant and meaningful, I just need to be patient and nurture that which can flourish.
4. Who is my teacher guide? (shows a dominant trait or characteristic)
Four of Skulls (Four of Pentacles) – I have a longstanding love of this card. As I mentioned before, there was a lot of upheaval in my childhood so, far from seeing any miserliness here, I see a stronghold of stability and security – no small or unimportant thing if you have spent much of your life without a feeling of either. A month or so ago I encountered a guide in meditation, I’ve never sought out guides before, not really sure if I believed in them, but I now realise that this one has been with me all along and will be for the rest of my life. She takes the form of a large bison and is my inner sanctuary of calm and steadfastness, she is my own personal fortress I can count on when everything else seems to be in chaos. While some other guides have appeared since then, this Four of Skulls definitely feels like her. She is here to teach me that come what may in the material realms, with her help I can always feel secure and safe in my inner plains, all I need do is ask and she will let me climb on her back for comfort and teach me the ways of fortitude, strength and gratitude.
5. What is their message for me at this point in time?
Six of Skulls (Six of Pentacles) – My guide wants me to know that experiencing abundance of all kinds, material, spiritual and emotional requires a willingness to share and exchange resources of all kinds, and that when you open yourself up to sharing, the barriers to giving as well as receiving wealth in all its forms breaks down. Bison are first and foremost herd animals, they are wired with behaviours that protect the collective over the individual, which reminds me to always try and work from my highest self and for the highest good.
As a human resource, bison were greatly honoured by North American Plains tribes for providing abundance, and as a spirit animal, they symbolise that wealth. After hunting, nothing of the carcass went to waste, which reminds me that in everything I already have I can find what I need, to appreciate and be creative with my resources and to not be wasteful. Here I am reminded of the quote, “happiness is not having what you want, it is wanting what you have”, which teaches us that abundance and success are a state of mind.
Bison also comes with a rather brutal message – once populating the Plains in numbers tens of millions strong, the herds were decimated to around 1,000 bison on the entire continent as a result of a number of factors, not least the policies of mass extermination led by the occupying US Government that sought to destroy the livelihoods of the Plains Indians peoples and appropriate land for cattle farming. This lesson, hard learned, brings a sorrowful reminder not to rely on one source for survival and abundance, for there are bad intentions and twists of fate that can take it away.
6. Aspect of self that a lack of judgement is allowing me to embody fully.
The Priestess – Well wouldn’t this be a dream come true! This is the third consecutive time she has shown up in a personal reading delving deeper into my path of healing and spiritual growth. She herself is the embodiment of lack of judgment and pre-conceived notions, and so I see that by releasing my own judgments I can more fully embody her wisdom and channel her intuitive strength.
On my path away from staunch atheism, one of the hardest things for me to release has been my uncertainty and skepticism of what an authentic spirituality would look like for me. I feel drawn to things that I would have rolled my eyes at even as recently as a year ago. All of the doubts and yes, occasional mockery, I have felt over the years for alternative spiritual movements, especially those with a strong ‘New Age’ bent, need to be put to rest. By building up these walls of judgments I have actively stunted the growth of my own power and intuition. If I can silence all of these judgments and fears of feeling or appearing silly, I will finally be free to truly strive to embody the great Spirit Mother of the unseen mysteries and do her work…and wouldn’t she, wouldn’t I, wouldn’t all women be something to behold if we could proudly bring her aspect of ourselves to the fore.